The Spice Girls. How does one describe them?
The highest selling girl group in history at the time of writing, these five women owned the world for about four years, selling over 100 million records worldwide and establishing their music as distinctly vital to the late 1990s. In many ways, they were the bridge into the bubblegum mania that spawned the careers of artists like Britney Spears, Justin Timberlake, and Miley Cyrus.
I did not grow up listening to the Spice Girls. I knew ‘Wannabe’ as a radio staple, but that is where it stops. The first time I realised how monstrous their cultural legacy is was the 2012 Summer Olympics, when the world when insane and started telling me how great they were. It was also when people started referencing their history as if I should know it. To cut a long story short, they entered my pop culture database about at the same level as Mandy Moore. Then I learned about the solo music.
This list is about 10 years in the making, because I truly struggled to invest myself in so much of what I had to listen to. The Spice Girls existed as extremely famous, middling musicians in the UK pop space for a long time. Their utter domination of the late 1990s meant that they had blank checks to spend on establishing themselves as solo musicians, and they definitely took advantage of that. One even bankrupted a record label, but that’s not the point of this article.
So, please enjoy this ranking of all their solo work. Yes, all of the singles. Collaborations included. Although not big group ones. I will not deign “Proper Crimbo” with a space on this list, because it’s awful and racist (I think). So let’s begin with the worst!
The Unlistenable Tier
Out of Your Mind – True Steppers and Dane Bowers ft. Victoria Beckham
We begin with an incredibly ugly song. 2000’s dance music often has this weird, jerky quality that you either love or hate. But this isn’t jerky, it’s completely ill-equipped for the job it sets out for. There’s no groove, no hook, and the melody should be forgotten to the sands of time.
Victoria Beckham began her solo career on a true misstep, and thus never got the UK number one single literally all of her bandmates have to their name. In many ways that’s fitting, considering how quickly she gave up on music by comparison. But ultimately, this song is at the bottom of the list for every reason but her. She’s not a good singer, but she’s capable of producing better art than this.
The Bad Tier
Hold On – Melanie C ft. Alex Francis
Melanie C (Mel C) is going to show up on this list an oppressive amount, because of all the Spice Girls, she had the biggest and most consistent career. Which makes sense, considering her vocal ability is significantly higher than her peers. But talent does not negate taste, and you’re going to see her a lot THROUGHOUT the list. This is my least favourite of her singles, if just because it is such a nothing song. There’s nothing I can latch onto. I think the duet is contrived, poorly matched, and they sound repellent together.
A Mind of Its Own – Victoria Beckham
What a poor ballad.
Numb – Sons of Sonix ft. Melanie C
I hate this brand of 2015 Justin Bieber pop.
Lullaby – Mel B
Mel B is a technically better singer than Victoria Beckham, but only barely. I was actually quite shocked while listening to this how poor the quality of performance was. She’s got personality, but not much else.
The Moment You Believe – Melanie C
This is the bullshit they make American Idols sing.
First Day of My Life – Melanie C
BORING!
If That Were Me – Melanie C
I get bored listening to this, but I prefer the vocal performance here to much of what comes before it.
Word Up – Mel B
Timberland’s production, particularly in the late 1990s, maintained a careful balance of kinetic energy and space. But what if it was all energy?
This cover represents the absolute worst of Mel B’s instincts as a performer and artist. The music is overbearing, the vocals are just plain bad, and the choice of cover feels so out of step with what you would want from here. She has better music on this list (obviously), but I want to emphasise that her output is shockingly poor.
Cool As You – Peter Aristone, Melanie C
Awful in its plastic sheen.
I Want You Back – Mel B ft. Missy Elliot
Garbage. Shockingly unimpactful. Not everyone can pull this off and Mel B certainly cannot.
Room For Love – Melanie C
I need a nap and this could help.
Half Of Me – Geri Halliwell
We’re going to see a lot of Geri further in this list, but I want to emphasise that much of her charm as a performer is base around a goofy, silly vibe. This, by contrast, as a ballad with no teeth.
Think About It – Melanie C
It’s bad. Lacks impact. It could sell me a laptop.
We’re Not Gonna Sleep Tonight – Emma Bunton
And here we introduce the solo output of Emma Bunton (Baby Spice), who release almost as frequently as Melanie C for a while. This song sounds like it was made to pad out a soundtrack. I don’t think this style of pop suits her thin and fragile voice, which is not produced well.
The Passable Tier
What I Am – Tin Tin Out ft. Emma Bunton
A very thin song. Emma Bunton is utterly lost and you can’t really hear her.
High Heels – Melanie C ft. Sink The Pink
There’s a thin line pop divas walk between empowering and pandering their gay fans, and this feels distinctly pandering.
Not everyone can be Bebe Rexha.
Dear Life – Melanie C
You cannot convince me this needed to be made.
Tell Me – Mel B
Have you ever wondered what Survivor would sound like if made wrong?
Rock Me – Melanie C
I’m not yet and will likely never be nostalgic for 2011.
Blame It on Me – Melanie C
What a strange Nicole Scherzinger song.
All I Need To Know – Emma Bunton
I wish I could hear her.
This Time – Melanie C
This is a Kelly Clarkson song.
Touch Me – Melanie C
It’s like…video game music. Modern ones.
Crickets Sing for Anamaria – Emma Bunton
What the fuck is this title? Also, I cannot understand her.
Coming Home for Christmas – Emma Bunton
A decent Christmas song.
Feels So Good – Mel B
It almost sounds right. The verses click for me very well. But maybe Mel B is bad at singing? I wish this was a Toni Braxton song.
Let There By Love – Melanie C
Bland but tasteful.
Into You – Melanie C
Mediocre but tasteful. Which is slightly better.
Calling – Geri Halliwell
Solid, well produced pop that just…doesn’t have the hook it needs. But Halliwell is able to uplift it with her charisma. Take notes, Dua!
I Want Candy – Melanie C
The British are a ridiculous people.
Angels in Chains – Geri Halliwell
I will not shit on such a nice tribute. I just won’t rate it highly.
Better Alone – Melanie C
I think this song is ruined by her over singing. This is probably her most Xtina-esque outing, and it suffers for it.
I Know Him So Well – Melanie C ft. Emma Bunton
This is an unfair pairing. Emma Bunton is demolished by a woman who can hit many notes, and not just a few.
Who I Am – Melanie C
Knowing this was released in 2020 is shocking, as this is clearly a track from 2015. But one of the better ones.
Loving You – Matt Cardle ft. Melanie C
He makes her sound restrained.
The Okay Tier
Desire – Geri Halliwell
I think this is a terrible song, upheld by Geri Halliwell’s charisma. Thus, it averages out to okay.
Weak – Melanie C
It’s a very poor imitation of My All in many ways. But My All is a fantastic song, and thus it’s knock of is better than it should be.
Not Such an Innocent Girl – Victoria Beckham
She feels way too old to have been singing this, and does not have the acting ability to pull it off. All I hear is a British woman in her 20s trying to make a knock of Britney Spears song but failing to connect with why her stuff works. Her dancing in the music video was quite good!
Here It Comes Again – Melanie C
It’s like…wrong. Like a Jessica Simpson song.
Lift Me Up – Geri Halliwell
I would never listen to this again, but I do get that it sounds nostalgic for people who were 14 in the year 1999. Good luck, grandma!
Today – Mel B
It is a complete and listenable song! And she sounds lovely on the chorus! That’s a triumph in her discography.
Melt – Melanie C
It’s just competent. But very earnest, which uplifts it from many of her less interesting ballads.
Take My Breath Away – Emma Bunton
It feels like H20: Just Add Water.
Free Me – Emma Bunton
The song actually sounds amazing, even if she sounds utterly unconvincing singing these lyrics. Emma Bunton cannot pull off this vibe. But I can imagine adoring this track if given to literally anyone else.
Let Your Head Go – Victoria Beckham
A very poor go at being Kylie Minogue.
Ride It – Geri Halliwell
A much better Kylie Minogue rip off!
Fearless – Melanie C ft. Nadia Rose
It’s fine. I like the ambition.
Carolyna – Melanie C
It’s incredibly tacky, but I like it? In many ways it’s like if Kelly Clarkson really adored Lana Del Rey, but only for her content.
The Good Tier
Northern Star – Melanie C
Nice!
It’s Raining Men – Geri Halliwell
It’s a very solid cover.
Next Best Superstar – Melanie C
This is a Hannah Montana song if she wore smudged eyeliner.
Baby Please Don’t Stop – Emma Bunton
I actually like this on her! It’s a very strong re-introduction to a pop star whose voice has significantly matured in the 12 years between her last single and this one. Is it good enough to get on my playlist? No – but I could understand if someone DID have it on their one.
Yeh Yeh Yeh – Melanie C
It’s the chorus that is holding back quite a good song. It’s basically a Jonas Brothers song in that way.
Mi Chico Latino – Geri Halliwell
It’s not actually good…but it’s campy and fun. I appreciate the energy more than anything. It’s so tacky.
In and Out of Love – Melanie C
Oh wow, this is actually very good for a late career single. It’s firmly situated in that disco revival of the past few years, so you can definitely find better. But if you’re going to try “new Mel C”, this is a good contender.
Maybe – Emma Bunton
I really appreciate that this is essentially a showtune by a woman who is very weak at singing.
Too Many Teardrops – Emma Bunton
I really like this production! The throwback vibe works for her.
I’ll Be There – Emma Bunton
Thank god somebody finally recognised this woman needs backup singers! In many ways, this 2003 single feels like a turning point in Emma Bunton’s discography, because it’s the first time I really liked how she sounded through the whole song. Her voice isn’t bad, but producers really liked burying her under the track in an effort to hide the deficiencies in her voice – like volume and range. But by simply adding some other voices to the mix, we discover that she can sound quite lovely! It probably shouldn’t have taken half a decade for someone to realise that, but it’s a win.
On the Horizon – Melanie C
It’s like…really good commercial music.
The Actually Good Tier
It’s proto-Jessie Ware.
Understand – Melanie C
It’s good in a very 2007 way.
You’re All I Need to Get By – Emma Bunton, Jade Jones
Oh wow – this throwback production always brings out the best in her! It’s very 2014, but it works. Meghan Trainor should be seething somewhere.
Downtown – Emma Bunton
Is this the best Spice Girls cover? Maybe! It’s stupid and I can’t imagine who pitched this to her, but I really do find it charming.
When You’re Gone – Bryan Adams ft. Melanie C
It never really ascends in the chorus like it needs to, but I could see myself obsessing over it at a different point in my life.
This Groove – Victoria Beckham
It’s basically a Danity Kane song with significantly worse vocals. Which is about all you can expect from Beckham. The amazing chorus does much of the heavy lifting her, but it truly is just kind of a hit. At least in the context of Victoria Beckham’s discography. I would love to hear Kelly Rowland take a crack at remaking it.
The Great Tier
Look At Me – Geri Halliwell
It’s just..fun! What an ingenious way to launch a solo career. Geri Halliwell is not the best SINGER in the Spice Girls, but I think she has shown herself to have consistently the best TASTE, at least in creating fun music. It’s never boring with her, and this debut single highlighted that immediately.
Scream If You Wanna Go Faster – Geri Halliwell
This might be one of those songs that I start recommending to strangers, because it really does feel distinctly quality outside of camp in a way that most of Halliwell’s discography does not. It’s above her persona, but only gets improved by the silliness of her presence.
I Turn To You – Melanie C
It sounds like drugs in a good way. In many ways this is a Madonna song.
What Took You So Long – Emma Bunton
The perfect version of what she is capable of. Which is essentially a generic Sheryl Crow rip off. Yay!
Bag It Up – Geri Halliwell
I adore this stupid song! Geri Halliwell is funny! Music can be funny!
Goin’ Down – Melanie C
I love the 1990s grunge girl sounds, and this married that to a pop sheen that I think we should appreciate more. In the context of her discography, this is not the hit people seem to remember. But they should, because it’s better than 99.9% of her output. But not better than…
Never Be The Same Again – Melanie C ft. Lisa ‘Left Eye’ Lopes
An honest to God hit that has stood the test of time! Melanie C holds a special place in my heart for this specific song – the only one I could have possibly named in 2012 as a “song by a Spice Girl”. The chorus is perfect, she sounds wonderful, and Left Eye ascends the track to another level.
AND THAT IS THE END!
So what did I take away from all of this?
I learned that people don’t need to make good music to make hits. So much of this was barely listenable, or comprehendible. But more than that, I managed to see a direct timeline of when the world stopped caring about the Spice Girls as a global phenomenon, and that year was 2003. But really, my biggest take away is that I might be a very big fan of Geri Halliwell. We don’t really have many funny pop stars, and her discography is goofy without being bad.
Anyway, these women earned their place in pop culture.